The inside of me

Well, I finished my first week Psychiatric placement at PPUKM. I never loved clinical placement, because it is stressful,tiring and it never ends.

I've been assign under Community Psychiatric where I belong to a team of doctors,nurses, therapists doing home visit for psychiatric patients to assess his/her condition at home after discharge and doing follow-up at home. The rest of the day, I just spent my time at ward.

Clearly,this is my first experience. Of course, at first I was a bit unsure of what happening around and I've been told that psy patients are manipulative, and try to be firm and confident while communicating.

My first day went by quite awkwardly.Later that day, I found that, this is indeed a great experience for me that nowhere can be found outside. I started to build rapport with all the patients, put aside fear,nervousness awkwardness. So,5days went by, I definitely enjoyed my time here especially the moment you enter the ward, and you hear patient excitingly screaming your name, saying that your clothes is beautiful, greeting you.

Of course, when their psychotic episodes relapse, sometimes you'll find it very funny, when they claimed that they are the son of The Almighty, or Jackie Chan is coming, or something about finding justice for Chua Soi Lek, or even the moon-and-sun-always-on-top-of-my-house talking.

I prefer to stay at ward even when lunch break, talked and watched TV or anything else you want to do inside. I observed. Then, I pitied them. Every singe second, I kept hearing my inside voice saying " Kesiannya, muda lagi dah jadi macamni" or " Sayang,muka cantik tapi...."

I went soft. When patient asked me when is the visiting hours, and I said its 12pm ,and later 5minutes she'll asked you again when is the visiting hour, I felt like crying.
I felt like crying when patient asked me " Bila makcik boleh balik, makcik dah sihat, makcik rindu dekat anak-anak" or " Boleh tolong call suami akak, dia kata nak datang melawat akak hari ni"

I felt like crying when I saw patient lying on the bed and refuse to do anything, and when i asked, she said "Im not interested on doing anything. I just wanna stay here.My parents and friends wont come visit me"

I felt like crying, when I saw patient writing something on a piece of paper, and when you asked " akak,buat apa?".She replied " Akak nak tulis surat dekat suami akak". And you saw on top of the paper saying "Kehadapan suamiku...."

I felt like crying when one day I saw her husband came, and her facial expression suddenly changed,while the husband walked towards her and kiss her forehead.

I hope, I will do better next week. No more soft feelings, try to be firm and confident. Wish me luck.

Loving your parents

These 2days, we went to visit 3 nursing home around PJ. Nope, I dont like visit. Benci sebab letih and puasa jadi extra letih and on the way balik KL, mesti jam gila,lpas tu xsempat masak, then terpaksa pergi beli dekat bazaar Ramdhan, which means kena spend money and membazir duit. Damn.

Anyways, my point is to tell you about the nursing home experience. Nursing home is the last place I want to end up at. I hate seeing old people suffering and dying.


The first nursing home I went is Felicity Nursing Home. So , I talked to this old man. When I first introduced myself to him, he cried. I was in shocked. I asked, " Uncle,kenapa nangis?", then he replied "Saya seronok.".Then I added " kalau seronok,kenapa nangis?"."Saya seronok ada orang datang." Then sambung menangis balik.

Ok, damn I want to cry that instant. Then,I chatted with him and figured out that he was a mechanical engineer with few kids. His children are total dumbass left him alone at nursing home, which explains why he was crying when I first met him.

Another uncle pulak, when we asked him about his children, he replied sorta like this. "Satu anak dekat Hong Kong.Satu dekat Penang. 3 dekat KL. Semua tak guna. Otak sudah jam!"

I know, asking about children to these residents was a complete sensitive question. But hello, that is the MOST basic thing to ask. Mau tanya apa lagi? " Uncle, bini mana? Sudah mati ka? Sakit apa?".. LOL.Bodoh jugak aku ni.

The thing is,how could anyone, left their parents to nursing home. Hello, have you been to any nursing home? Gila tak best tempat ni. Most of the resident aren't receiving proper treatment for their each condition because there's no health care professional inside the house. The doctors came like once a week. Rehab team only come upon request. The staff are foreign maids and volunteers.It is very dull inside. not very hygienic. Soo not a good place to live in.

This auntie, she has a severe RheumatoidArthritis. Fuyyooh, her knee is beyond help.

This uncle is damn funny. He likes to walk all the time. He rest like 2minutes, then he walked all around the house. Its funny, you heard " excuse me, excuse me" very often when he wants to pass through you.

We want to protect the elders from H1N1.Not to protect ourseleves.

I dont wear mask. I am immuned from the virus already.

Hehehehhe bongkak gila.

We spent hours hearing her whole life story. From childhood to adulthood. Best gila dia membebel. Hahahahha

~

I was saying, if our parents can take care of us, since we were born up until today, why cant we? I know I am not the type of expressing love to parents, but I think they knew that I love them. The question is, how do you know, that one day, when the time comes, you are not the one who sending your parents to nursing/old folks home? Or you are the one who taking care of your parents?We never know, until we reach that moment.

~

Or maybe one day, you'll end up at nursing home because your children are a total dumbass. Please please please. Be thankful. Take care of your parents.

Belajar rajin-rajin, make your parents proud.

Trust me, its not bipolar, but this is severe depression.

Tiba-tiba gila nak update blog hari-hari pulak kan? hahhaha
Im onlining down here at KTSN 5. UKM kedekut tak nak pasang wifi kat PlazaRah, so dari tingkat 20,kalau nk online, kena duduk dekat balkoni untuk dapat belas kasihan wifi dekat campus.
So, solution untuk coverage wifi yang hebat, kena bawak turun laptop, menumpang dekat kolej sebelah ni. Hehehehe

Next week, I'll start my clinical posting at HUKM. This time kena pergi posting for Psychiatric,Medical and Neurology.Bapak bosan gila dekat HUKM okay? Tapi okay lah, sebab last year dah teruk kena torture dekat Hospital Klang kali ini kita relax sikit okay? So,siapa-siapa di HUKM ataupun berdekatan HUKM, jom lunch together. Hey,tapi bulan puasa macammana nak lunch??? Oklah lepas raya nanti kita lunch sekali ok?

Korang tahu tak, bahawa nama HUKM dah ditukar kepada PPUKM,Pusat Perubatan Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia. Hah? semua dah tau ye. Takpe saja je nak bagitau lagi sekali.

Aku sudah jatuh cinta. Jatuh cinta dengan seorang lelaki. Ye lelaki, bukan jantan sebab aku jatuh cinta dengan manusia,bukan ayam atau ba*cough*bi*cough*. Dia jiran aku,satu floor dengan aku. Tapi baru haritu kawan aku bagitau, bahawasanya dia ialah orang Kelantan. Okay I save my next comment. hahahhaha

Semalam kakak aku datang hantar makanan.Dia datang dengan tunang dia. Diorang bagi cake Secret Recipe yang ptuih ptuih tak sedap.Siapa nak?datang rumah ok? Masa diorang nak balik, aku salam and cium tangan dia. Lepas tu aku hulur tangan dekat tunang dia pulak. Then aku cium tangan tunang dia. WHAT THE HELLLL????? Siapa sangka aku buat macamtu? I mean like, hello dia baru tunang, belum abang ipar kot. Tapi bila fikir-fikir balik, kira aku bagi consent form lah dia kahwin dengan kakak aku..

Aku sekarang dah hebat gila swimming. Semua style aku boleh buat. Cakap je, aku leh tunjuk. Aku siap ajar style berenang tempang dekat Farhana dengan Annes. Sumpah senang, paddle guna satu kaki je. Tapi jangan buat selalu, nanti muscles kat sebelah kaki tu jadi hyperthrophy, ,sebelah lagi athrophy.buruk lah kaki besar sebelah. Style ni hanya untuk orang tempang sahaja okay?. Berenang anjing pun aku hebat, serius! Tak percaya tanya Annes.

Dyla kata swimming pool kat PlazaRah air dia sejuk. Dia bole mati hypothermia. Hermm Dyla mmg suka exaggerate cerita. Tapi hari ini aku mandi, yelah. Memang sejuk jugak.
Dyla,macammana kau disana? Summer dah habis kan? Allergi kau mesti datang balik. Makan ubat yang aku bagi tu okay?Tulah dah janji nak suruh kakak aku bawak balik ubat satu tong bagi kau, tapi aku bagi satu papan aje,hahahaha.

Sekarang dekat bawah ni, aku tengah online dekat restroom. Pak guard ni,die pergi pasang radio kat sini. Pasang EraFm pulak.Aku rasa macam nak hempas je laptop ni. Lepas tu aku hempas pulak radio tu. Memang emo tiba-tiba kalau dengar radio yang macam celaka macamtu. Aku tunggu nak habis download video PCD je ni, kalau tak,memang dah berambus naik dah.

FYI, rice cooker aku baru rosak.Sedih sebab baru belik 3bulan je macamtu. Lepas ni,masak masakku akan bertambah lama.Sebab tinggal satu cooker aje, untuk masak nasi dan lauk pauk. So,kalau bukak puasa, kena start masak dr pukul 5. Makkkk, nanti dah start posting, dengar2 cerita orang, hari2 kena bukak puasa atas bas. Sebab pukul 7, stuck lagi dalam traffic jam dari Cheras nak balik KL tu. Sedih gila. Dah la dah lama tak balik bukak puasa dengan mak, kena bukak puasa atas bas pulak.

Dyla, aku rindu ko! Kau bukak puasa makan apa?Makan kuaci lagi ke?

Aku ni dah macam orang gila, membebel sorang2. Sudah lah.bawah ni sejuk gila, nak naik tidur lah. Selamat kepada semua.